The talk about depression never ends coz anywhere and everywhere there’s someone battling this syndrome. I’ve been away for a while not because I’d chosen to stay away but because it seemed impossible to get my brain to work. Often time, I get the opportunity to be a life coach, call me a counsellor, a guide, a mentor or a teacher, it all comes to the same thing. I speak to people, I speak to youth, I pray with them, I encourage them and walk with them in whatever part of life they are travelling. But I discovered that just like most comedians live paradoxical lives, my life was just alike. I was depressed or I’d been but I was unaware until I read an article about depression written by Patricia Kahill (http://pkahill.com/its-always-the-strong-ones/) and it helped me realise that I was oblivious about my situation. In this article, she highlighted a few characteristics of depression to which I fell victim and was in its early stages. I’d been hurt by a former employer to the extent that everything around me came to a freeze. I realized I needed help but didn’t know where to turn coz I am usually the help, am usually the one giving counsel to others. I was feeble, my life was in trouble, and my senses were in shambles. I missed being here but my head was on route-malfunction, my brain couldn’t think, it had got cold with ice and it needed the summer to arise, for it to melt back to normal. With depression, sometimes you’ll recognise it, sometimes you won’t. When it comes around, it engulfs and makes a circle around you, you’ll let it because you don’t know what’s going on around you perhaps you have no idea how to help yourself. The devil will also lie to you that you can’t speak to anyone because I mean, everyone’s got their trash to throw in the can. So thoughts such as “they won’t listen, won’t care, they just won’t come around” fill up your ego. For someone like me who’s usually other people’s advisor, you’ll think, “how will they help me yet am the one who helps them” forgetting that you help them so that they are able to help someone someday.
So you hold the pain within, it grows, multiplies, it thrives and blossoms, it darkens your life from inside, you shut it in with a smile, you shine all over the world to everyone but yourself. Out in the world, they see a bright light, a ray of light while your world sniffs, feeds on and reeks of a sad and somber filth. The noises in your heart, in your mind, become louder than the howls of wolves in a game park. But I’ll keep saying, as much as it’s okay to feel the pain, it is right to let it out. You’ve got to look around yourself, look into your life and focus your attention on discovering yourself. Find yourself, ask the why questions and figure answers to them, open up and speak, shut out your pride and open up to someone, find a counsellor, find someone to confide in, a shoulder to lean on, someone to tell the little secret of your life, the huge pains you hold because the disaster that seems boundless can come to an end. It is simple, though no one says it’s easy but God has placed people in our lives because He wants us to live life with them. I’ve always told people that living life with someone always counts, it takes away the trauma, speaking to someone fills up and binds the cracks in your life. These same words I said to myself and found healing in the end. I’m back and ready to re-ignite the fire that once existed here.