It’s not pain, it’s the fear of it…

Fear is only gonna drown us more into the depths of worrying

Not long ago when I was going for a surgery, a breast surgery to be exact, I went through a phase of self-inflicted trauma from bouts of worrying caused by the fear of pain. I had vivid memories of the breast surgeries I had previously watched on TV series; #Botched and #DR.90210 and was irked by the fact that I was going to go through the same. The imaginings of what the whole process would entail broke me to the last bone. I thought of the injections, the cuts, wounds and stitches, the entire suturing process and the whole episode in general, it gave me quivers. This broke me to the extent that I postponed the d-date for one reason or the other giving myself all kinds of excuses just to cover myself or hide under my fear of pain. I extended it to a date after my exams because I didn’t want the trauma from the whole process to affect my thinking and reasoning during my exams. Then after the exams, I extended because I thought that may be… may be… that somehow somewhere, the problem would subside and eventually be gone. Even with the excuse that may be since the problem was benign, the doctors would eventually say, “Lets chill the surgery since the condition is not harmful.” (this is where i laugh at myself) I gave myself all these reasons because of the fear of pain but nevertheless, procrastination is just a thief of time, I had to go through the surgery. Something I learnt from all this was;

 It’s not pain, it’s the fear of it that breaks us

The thought of the anguish and discomfort

The fear of the wretchedness that comes along with the pain

The fear of the distress that comes along with the mess

and endangers your peace 

distorting and creating a new pace

a slower pace for the healing to take place 

It’s not emotional pain, it’s the fear of it 

 The fear of the emotions that are gonna be hurt 

and the unearthing of a gray régime

The fear of the permanent damages to life

The fear of how long it’s gonna take

for the cry of pain to waste away

The fear of losing yourself along the way or the ones you love

The fear of the pain is what frightens us

It’s not the pain that breaks us, it’s the fear of it


I didn’t experience any pain during or after the surgery, I didn’t even feel the pain from the lancing or pricking of the injections. So all the pains that I was so worried about, none of them surfaced or better yet, none of them was real? I had just opened a door for fear to slither into my life, into my mind and now I realize it was the fear of pain that broke me, that tormented me, that vexed me but not the pain itself. It could be physical or emotional pain, yes, pain will always come around, but have you thought of what actually brings you down yet in the end it avails to nothing? We let fear come into our lives, sometimes we hurt ourselves because we fear hurting the people we love. We shut up about our pains because we fear that the same pains could hurt the people we love with the excuse that it’s easier to push away the people who care about us than tell them the real story. Sometimes the things we fear so much or the pains we fear to face, end up being very simple to deal with, we fear facing our pain coz of all the anticipations of what it could come with. But always we should remember that “Sometimes the only way out of something is through” and God will not cause pain without allowing something new to be reborn (Isaiah 66:9).



One thought on “It’s not pain, it’s the fear of it…

  1. If there’s one thing you’ve always done, it’s write things my entire being does not agree with. Not because they are wrong but because they are right and invoke my inner being to change course. And that is a rough process. Thank you
    Thank you.
    Emotional pain. That one.😩😩
    Thank you

    Liked by 1 person

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